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WOW!  Real Pirates!  Ravaging the Seas!  Burning the Villages!  Raping the Horses! Riding off on the Women! Plundering! Pruning the hedges.. of many small villages…

What?

This actually happened.  We all know as it was the only thing that was on the news for the past week. Times like these i’m glad i don’t have a tv.

No… What The Fuck Were You Talking About?

oh yeah… thats paraphrased from the ¡Three Amigos!.  The reason that i say these things is because there is no fucking way in hell that this shit really happened. I don’t mean that literally, but it seems more like a piece of retarded theatre than anything that the truly unpredictable universe could have drafted for us and gotten into this phase of existence.   Follow me for a second here:

  1. Pirates attack a 500+ foot 18,500 TON cargo ship — ok this is believeable
  2. manage to board it — still beliveable
  3. crew fights them off and somehow manages to sink the pirate ship. –  still believable!
  4. boarded pirates take captain hostage — wtf?
  5. escape on a lifeboat — uhhh….
  6. run out of gas with a couple of hours — lifeboat not living up to its namesake
  7. US Navy deploys Arleigh Burke class missile warships to deal with situation — good call.
  8. captain tries to escape because NAVY taking its sweet old time — good man.
  9. pirates recapture him — OJ car chase?
  10. they fuck up the pirates on Easter, a sacrifice for the zombie Jesus.
  11. it takes them 4 days total get captain back — ehhh…

yeaaaaa! Americans lived! the skull and crossbones fell into the icy oceans and now belong to Davy Jones… of the monkeys.  So, good.  The navy got our man back without hurting him and we fucking killed everyone else.  That’s a win for us. That’s what they’re paid to do and they did that shit… eventually. But seriously, was everybody stoned during this process?  There are a couple things here that don’t add up to me.

How the fuck do 4 pirates chase a cargo vessel 350 miles from land, manage to board it, take a catain hostage and have THIER boat sunk?  I mean, how many of the pirates died doing this?  Were they fucking joy riding with their parent’s beat up old dea sea marauder? “Hey, Asad! Lets go fucking chase down a cargo vessel!  It’s wednesday, You ain’t got no job!  I’m gonna get you high!!”  I could just image how that conversation went on the cargo ship:

  • Pirate 1: dude…
  • Pirate 2: what?
  • Pirate 1: i think our boat just sunk.
  • Pirate 2: you mean we’re actually gonna have to figure out how to drive this thing to get home?
  • Pirate 1: Shit!  my Waayah Cusub cd was still in the player man!
  • Pirate 3: Fuck your CD man, my fucking girlfriend is gonna kill me if i’m not back by Friday… she’s gotten all spiritual and converted to Christianity and someting happens this weekend, i think she does this shit to have a reason to save her virginity…
  • Pirate 4: go in the back door.  Christian chicks dig it like that.
  • Pirates 5-30: Holy Shit!  Our beer is on that boat!! We have to save it!

and then there were 4.

Then, the Captain trades himself and a lifeboat for the safety of his crew… that were locked in the impenetrable steering room. “Hell, you boys got spirit.  I like spirit. You can have me and that 21 foot lifeboat that carries 24 hours worth of gasoline and is three times bigger than your original boat probably was.”

enclosed-lifeboatOnce they get on the lifeboat and get into the ocean, the damn thing runs out of gas! I don’t know if that’s a good thing or a bad thing. I mean, if the cargo ship were actually sinking, those sailors would be in serious trouble! Some people are saying that the captain managed to disable the engine.  Something tells me he’s  not that bright if he managed to get captured by this lot.

Then the Navy goes ape shit. Check it out:
Arleigh Burke
That there is a motherfucking aircraft carrier, next to a resupply ship, and next to that is an Arleigh Burke class missile warship just like the USS Bainbridge. That fucking thing is as big as the cargo ship was initially attacked. AND ITS FUCKING ARMED TO THE TITS!
They waited until Sunday to actually do something. I mean fuck people… you could have recreated the water fountains at the Bellagio with the firepower of that ship just to scare the ever living shit out of those pirates, thrown about 30 navy seals in the water, sunk the boat, grabbed the captain and then given some badass assistance to the French boat that was in the same predicament!

Sorry, it doesn’t make sense to me.

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smoking

Coming to Vegas from Austin sure was an eye opener as to how progressive Austin really is.  Granted - it is deep in the heartland of the nation of TEJAS and not too far from the once home of GWB, but for all intents and purposes, its got a lot of stuff goin for it. Hell, in my time as a citizen of Texas, I managed to quit smoking.  Not exactly an easy task, but even less so in a town where live music and community gatherings like Eyore’s Fest abound.

But one thing that Austin has going for it is that it is consistently listed in the upper listings of healthiest cities in America whereas Las Vegas consistently ranks in the bottom rung.  Also, Austin has goals to make itslef better.  Las Vegas… well lets just say they’re making progress.

But all that aside, there is one thing in this town that has become a serious issue to me — smoking. I don’t smoke still. However I have had smoking hangovers since I’ve been here. Going out to bars is really not a thing that I ever look forward to. Also, since most of the movie theaters in town are located inside casinos, you have to deal with the whole smoking in casinos to see a movie.

Who Freaking Cares?  Its Vegas!!

This is true.  I heard somebody say the other day that “people come to Vegas to be disgusting!” mmmmm…. my new home.. the shitpot of society. But, a little piece of legislation does exist in this town which actually bans smoking from certain venues, however there is no real enforcement of that law.  And pretty much, if you have slot machines anywhere in the vicinity of restaurant, its all of a sudden under the umbrella of casinos - and there ain’t no way in hell that any damn hippie is gonna tell a freaking casino owner that they can’t do anything they damn well want under there own damn roof in this the good ol US of A!  Farking Casino Owners…

So Whatcha Got Against Smoker Stank Anyways?

Nothing!  I don’t give a shit if you smoke.  Just don’t smoke around me. And don’t force me to walk through your stank!  And don’t fucking think that if you take a drag and blow out that all the smoke stank is magically gone. Especially if you are about to get in my POS car!

I smoked for about 10 years.  After that 10 years, I’ve been trying very hard to get back into the shape I was before I started smoking. No easy task. I basically had to wait for about a year before I did anything remotely physically active to make sure that my lungs wouldn’t crust up and break.  It takes a while for you to heal from smoking. But I can successfully state that I am seriously healthier.  In fact I just played soccer for the first time this year in our Corporate Challenge.  I even scored a goal!

picture-212

But this town has a hard on for doing things the nasty way. When you go to a club, your clothes need to be burned the next day.  When you go to a bar, you clothes need to be burned the next day.  The only thing you can still do without having to burn your clothes is go hiking, play sports, or be a nudist.  So the next time all you fuckers want to grab a cigarette and decide that the best place to do so is right outside the front door of a business, let me clue you in that its a real fucking douche-baggy thing to do.

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I’m Back Babay!

So about a year or so ago I had this NEED to write a blog.  Then, I had a NEED to make sure only a few people saw it.  Now I have a new NEED:  to get some shit off my chest! Canigeta “Hell’s yeah!”?
My last blog post was in August of last year and [...]

Ranting… or just wondering…

I just saw a Saturn car ad. Wow.
If I sell my current car, right now, I can buy a BRAND SPANKING NEW car that gets 32MPG. 32!! Imagine what i could do if I got 32 miles per gallon!! i could go at least 70 more miles per tank of gas than [...]

I’m a Tigger today.

Early this morning, Randy Pausch died after living with pancreatic cancer for nearly a year. His Last Lecture at Carnegie Mellon last September is one of the most inspiring and uplifting lectures I have ever heard.
I’m teary eyed as I write this letting the video play in the background.
Today, I am a Tigger.
    [...]

The last Two Weeks.

Well i seem to have gotten sucked into a time warp. The past two weeks have flown by and I have yet to have a solid chunk of time available to write a blog post. But that doesn’t mean that I haven’t had anything to write about. In fact, there has been [...]


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